Saturday, 30 December 2006

How to not drink on the biggest drinking night of the year.

So, 2006 is nearly over! Tomorrow sees us trekking over to the hotel for NYE frolics. My first New Years as a non drinker...bluergh. If I was doing it by choice I'd be at least vaugely impressed with myself but having it thrust upon me was not one of my life choices! First off, you get very tired. It's actually quite boring sitting in a pub sober. By 10pm I'm ready for my bed, or at least a comfy sofa, cup of coffee and a book... Secondly, everyone thinks you're some born again 12 stepper and treats you accordingly (see how I could have put 'leper' in that sentence and made it rhyme?? But didn't). If one more person says "Oh that's don't drink......" and then backs away slowly I will scream. Thirdly, there is bog all for a non drinker to drink! As much as I love Coke there's only so much of the stuff I can pour down my neck in one evening. Fruit juice is served in such thimblesque proportions it costs a fortune, and on New Years you can't keep running to the bar every 5mns for more. And water, well... it's water isn't it???
I thought I had hit upon a soloution when I found my new local sold a non-alcoholic lager that tasted like...get this....lager! But y'know? Who wants to spend £2 on half a pint of fake lager! Really? Can I actually spend my hard earned on some pseudo beverage? It somehow sticks in the throat of this once battle ready pisshead.
I must remain focussed, think of the morning after and the lack of hangover. Think of all the crap I won't talk, all the people I won't randonly hug, the fights I won't get involved in and the parts of my body I will not flash, and accept that I am indeed old. Old and boring and a wearer of slippers.
Make mine a pint of water and don't skimp on the ice and lemon!!

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